September 20, 2012

just words

It's Thursday on my side of the world and of course its raining, its full on rainy season now and the gray is getting me down. At this point I think it is inevitable that the floods will come, now we play the waiting game.

It has been about a year since I arrived in the Kingdom of Thailand and usually this is about the time when I make my exit, head somewhere new and fresh. I am so lucky to have an amazingly brilliant husband who is becoming very successful in Thailand working on race cars, every boys dream job right? Yeah, so here I am,  no plans to move, fixing up my house to be a little more comfortable for the long haul. It is time for me to be the supportive person he has always been for me. Could I move on, sure that would be easy, but maybe the challenge I need is to find a love somewhere in my heart for this swamp-land they call a country. My brother also bought a one way ticket here and will be arriving next month (can't WAIT to see him, its been over 2 years!) I think i'll be here awhile.

If you hadn't guessed, I'm not loving it here. This experience hasn't been an easy one, compared to living in Korea, this country seems almost inhospitable to its inhabitants. Massive rains and subsequent flooding, HUGE bugs that should be only on the Discovery channel, traffic that is unimaginable and such blatant corruption it's almost laughable. It is safe to say Eric and I both get frustrated with living abroad sometimes, and like in Thailand when it rains it pours. It is hard to imagine going home though, when we are both able to do what we want here plus who's to say it would even be easier speaking English all the time...

I am also working practically 24 hours a day lately and writing for money kinda sucks. As cool as the travel channel I am working for is, and as much as I do love reading and writing about travel, it is difficult to find that balance between good prose and love for the written word and making money. I wanted to have this blog become my source of income so I could focus on traveling and writing, two things I am passionate about. Really I started this blog and moved to Asia to work through things for myself, to figure out who I am and why I am the way I am. I need to remind myself of this when I get too bogged down with all the shit that life brings. We make it all so complicated, our very existence, but really we are all just running around a big hamster wheel looking like idiots. Science has basically proven we are all just wonderfully arranged space dust and I have to stop taking it all so seriously.

So today I may not be happy that I am staying here in Thailand to divulge into the culture even more, but maybe one day I will look back on the experience and think fondly (at the very least I will laugh a lot, I have put up with some ridiculous shit!) For now I need to remember why I am here and what I am doing. Slowly but surely I am finding myself, figuring out what I want (and boy is it different than I thought it would be) and becoming a better person. Some inspiration is always nice. Keep comin' down rain, your not gonna stop me!



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3 comments:

  1. I can sympathize - the rainy season has been bringing me down too. My relationship with Thailand is becoming pretty polarized: when it's good, Thailand can be the most incredible place in the world, but when it's bad, it's the worst place I've ever lived.

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  2. that is the perfect word to describe it! its a love/hate thing for sure!

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  3. Hi! So I came across and started following your blog before I came to Thailand (thank you, I enjoy reading it)...and I have only been in Thailand for 4 months, but I can see where you are coming from with your frustrations. And I know you're probably tied down to a particular place but can I just say...I have heard many similar things about the south (particularly bangkok) oppose to the north. People seem to be pretty content with the north (I live in Chiang Mai). I assume you've already been there/considered it..so I am not trying to press anything but if the opportunity presents itself, I highly recommend living up here.

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